Hurricane

At 3 a.m. I wake up and you too.

You say, “Lets sleep again,”

“No, i don’t want to”

“You have to, babe, come on”

“Don’t make me do that,” I yell at him. I don’t know why I yell at him. I just feel my brain is full of memories that I can’t stand. It hurts.

“What’s wrong?” you ask me and looking straightly to my brown eyes.

“I don’t know. I feel like the demons are coming. And it hurts my fucking mind because they keep yelling inside me.”

“You had nightmare, babe. There’s no demons inside you.”

“When you and me...” I remember what I dreamed about.

“Yeah?”

“When you and me, were nothing, when you and me were only a space of dust.. I don’t know I just remember all of sudden,”

He is quite. Maybe he doesn’t know what to say but he wrap me in his chest. I can smell his parfume and I can hear his beating heart. This is home, a truly home. The warmth, the smell, the sounds of his beating heart is my home.

The words finally came from his mouth, “I read your poems back then. Is it about me?”

“All of my poems is all about you, idiot.”

He laughs. That laugh again. I swear I could die if I can’t see that laugh again.

“You said “When time is right we will meet again. When you are ready to hold a hurricane in your naked arms.” Do you know how hurts my feeling when I read that sentence?”

“I am always a hurricane for everyone. I am complex and fucking complicated. I ruined me. I ruined people. I ruined you for loving me all this time.”

“You are right. You are complex and complicated. You are a ruiner. You are hurricane. You are not as simple as that. Behind your simple smile there’s a fucking thousand knives. But you are something like that. A beautiful mistakes, a beautiful storm, a beautiful and wrongful soul.”

Every words that came from his mouth becomes a wonderful poem. I can’t do anything, all I can do is to kiss him. And then he says something again.

“You are something but actually everything. But I love you anyway. You are the most complicated art that I have ever had and the most meaningful art that I have never had, either. Nobody owns you like the ocean, nobody owns you, even me.”

I start to cry but also smile.

He says something again, “You said “Maybe we will meet again when you are ready to kiss my scars away” are your scars exist because of me?”

“All of my scars exist because of me because I can’t love myself. I hated for being me.” I replied.

He hugs me and I’m freezing. He says something.

“I love you. I love you too much. I love you when you can’t love yourself. I love you when you always wake up at 3 a.m because you had nightmare. I love you. I never regret anything about you. I am sorry for coming late, because of me, you hurt so much. I am sorry. I am sorry.”

“No, babe, I am sorry for this fucking mess.” I said.

“You are the mess that I always love and I will always love. I’d be glad if I own you, your mess, your flaws, your soul, your skin. I’d be glad if you let me own them.” You said.

“You own me,” I kiss him. I can’t stand myself to stay still when his lips demands me to kiss him.

“Yeah, I own a fucking fascinating hurricane.”